Being out of the mainstream for a while, I misunderstood Steve when he said that he wanted a Monolift;  I thought he said Monolith.  As he’s a valued friend I of course tried to track one down.  I went to North Wales as I know there are some natural slate structures that may have sufficed.  Also, whilst recently in Egypt I attempted to ship a piece of granite from Giza and was arrested on a trumped up charge of "ancient artefact disruption".  I got off on a technicality -  mainly due to the fact that I promised to tell the World that the stories of the toilets in Cairo being dirty are an outrageous myth.  Frankly, my efforts to furnish my reacquainted friend with a huge piece of stone were a fortuitous failure.  I never really thought to question Steve, as it would have been totally feasible that he just may have wanted a Monolith.  You see, I thought it was something to do with Paganism and said no more on the subject.

 

Without disclosure to the contrary I moulded to the concept when I found that it was in fact a Squatting Aid my Viking friend desired, and a quite brilliant one at that.  I drooled over the images he showed me and it wasn’t too long before I had decided that he must have one, I must use one, and the People of The Ministry of Muscle shall be denied no longer.

 

We tracked one further North than is healthy to travel as a Southerner, but journeyed on that quest nevertheless.  Not too far really, but hours away, courtesy of the paradoxical widening of the M1 and subsequent gridlock.  After a ritualistic emotional beating up of the vendor, a performance my Jewish, trading, step-grandfather would have salivated over, we agreed a price and lead-time.  Two weeks later we did the journey again, this time with Mick Holden and a mate of mine, Ian, from Biggin Hill.  I felt like Frodo Baggins coming back as the M1 took its toll on our patience and soul.  Steve fell asleep snoring, Mick was talking and that kept me awake, which was an advantage as I was driving, but at f**k all miles an hour the only thing I got was a quad pump from the clutch pedal.  We spoke of past gone Strongman shows and tales of high adventure.  I must confess to finding Mick irresistible for a wind-up and although I haven’t known him long have come to like him and massively admire his achievements.  Steve is easy to get going and again I think it’s fantastic when he preaches the way things should be, no bullsh*t and straightforward, love it.

 

We stopped for something to eat and at a measly 19 Stone I was a baby in Mick and Steve’s company.  Fortunately they provided the locals with the freak show of mass everyone loves, but will also feverishly deny.  I don’t know if Gina believed the traffic jam story and hope that Spearmint Rhino isn’t open at the same time we were out - far too suspicious.

 

 

My excellent friend, Dennis Harding of D&G Cars Ltd, in Essex, gave me carte blanche with his recovery vehicle and technician for the day, so carriage of the magnificent Monolift was professionally done.  The D&G guy beat us back, due entirely to our "out for the day" school boy antics, leaving the likes of Jay, Rob, Paul Carter and company to offload said lift at The Ministry.

 

Once it was in place the 400Kg, 6mm steel bespoke, one of a kind, eat small children and start a military coup superstructure looked superlative, an icon of necessity in a gym of monsters.  No more wandering in and out of the rack, having 300kg plus on one leg whilst shuffling back to alter your stance.

 

This is serious Ladies and Gents.

Get set and squat, let’s be ‘aving ya.

A squat for Spartans.

 

 

In all this dramatic representation it should seriously be said that Steve has made a real investment for the Ministry Gym users and you could count on a hand the number of these Monolift leviathans in the country, proper hard core.  There’s absolutely no doubt that you’ll increase your squat and if used properly this should be safer too.  Not only is this a prototype, one off, but the company made adjustments to suit our needs.  Many thanks to Chris for his craftsmanship.

 

Use the Monolift - not when Mick wants it though, because he’ll sulk - learn how it works, feel the power of the squat. There are other reasons to visit The Ministry of Muscle apart from its state of the art equipment:  expert help, a host of friendly monsters, strongman training, power lifting, bodybuilding, great supplements and atmosphere.

 

Do I like The Ministry of Muscle?

Well I’ve been training before Moses was born and it’s the best Gym I’ve ever been in. 

Do you want to know more?

Then get down to The Ministry of Muscle or live in disgrace.